Coco Arquette is paying John Mayer to date Jennifer Aniston!

Posted in gossip with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2008 by fakegossip

Hollywood has been a buzz about the new romance between Emmy Award winner Jennifer Aniston and Grammy Award winner John Mayer.

 

But Fake Gossip News has learned the true store behind their relationship. Jennifer Aniston has been telling everybody that she is more in love with the “Say” singer more than she was in love with Tate Donovan and Brad Pitt combined. But John isn’t in love with Jennifer. In an exclusive interview Coco Arquette has reviled to Fake Gossip News that she has been paying John Mayer to “date” Aniston.

According to Coco, “Auntie Jen was hanging around our house so much that it was causing a lot of problems between my mommy and daddy. The fights they had over her would put mommy in a worse mood than seeing the declining ratings for ‘Dirt’. One day when Auntie Lisa (Kudrow) was over mommy sad that she couldn’t choose. She loves my Daddy but Auntie Jen is her best friend. She said that Daddy was going to make her choose though. She feared it could lead to divorce. Well, I could have none of that! I had my agent, yes I already have one, to contact John Mayer. I told him I would pay him one million dollars to “date” Auntie Jen for one year. He wanted three million but we settled on two.” Apparently it worked. Coco went on to state “Mommy and Daddy are happier then they have been since before Auntie Jen split form Mr. Pitt.”

But what happens when Mayer’s contract is up? According to Coco, “I’m already working something out with Shia Laboeuf for 2009”

Hillary to star in “Excess Baggage”

Posted in gossip, politics with tags , , , , on May 26, 2008 by fakegossip

Just in case Hillary Clinton fails to win the Democratic Nomination for President she has a back up plan. Hillary has plans to star in a remake of 1997’s Alicia Sliverstone vehicle “Excess Baggage”.

And why not? It’s a perfect fit. Many people have said that Hillary would never be elected President because she has too much baggage. Hillary also showed all of us that she can laugh at herself when appearing on “Saturday Night Live”.

Obviously some adjustments need to be made to the story. Chelsea Clinton told Fake Gossip News, “It’s very exciting. If my mom doesn’t become the first female president she’ll become a movie star. She’ll be like Ronald Reagan in reverse.”

Fake Gossip News has learned that the script has Hillary staring as an aging socialite who gets stranded in Fargo, north Dakota with her twenty suitcases. As she tries to figure out the candy machine so she can eat she is kindnapped.

Academy Award Winner Benicio del Torro will once again play the kidnapper. All of us here at Fake Gossip News have four words…We’ll vote for that!

Angelina Jolie is the new spokesperson for…SEXY WATER!!!

Posted in gossip with tags , , , on March 28, 2008 by fakegossip

Will the rivalry between Emmy Award Winner Jennifer Aniston and Academy Award Winner Angelina Jolie ever end?

Last year Aniston became the spokesperson for Smart Water, the electrolyte enhanced water.

 Well, as always Angelina has decided to one up Aniston, Angie is the new spokesperson for Sexy Water, the sexy enhanced water (although Fake Gossip News has learned the secret ingredient in Sexy Water is…Vodka!)

And just like in the battle for Golden Globe winner Brad Pitt it looks like Jolie will win. Since the deal with Sexy Water was announced last week sales for Aniston’s Smart Water have fallen 75%, while the sales for Sexy Water have skyrocketed 100%!

At leas Jen has her leprechaun to console her.

Annette Benning goes postal!

Posted in gossip with tags , , , , on March 25, 2008 by fakegossip

As Hillary Swank enjoyed an evening at the Academy Awards last month Annette Benning fell off the Hillary hating wagon.

Since the beginning of the year Annette Benning had been Swank hating free. This is a big accomplishment for the woman who once tried to tear down a movie screen upon seeing a preview for “The Reaping”. Warren Beatty really believed that after spending much of last year in a loony bin that Annette had finally gotten over her two Oscar loses to Hillary Swank. In fact so confident was Warren in his wife’s recovery that he agreed to watch the Oscars with her.

Everything was okay until…Hillary Swank took to the stage. It wasn’t so much seeing Hillary that sent Annette back over the edge as it was how the announcer introduced her.

According to Warren who sat down with Fake Gossip News for an exclusive interview, “Annette was sitting calmly watching the Oscars. The the announcer introduce Hillary Wank as two time Oscar winner. My heart sank because I knew this would get to Annette. And it did. She started shaking her head and whispering, ‘No, not twice, not twice.’ Then she ran out of the room. I was hoping she was going to go pray but the next thing I knew she came storming into the room with our shotgun. She screamed,’NO! NOT TWICE!’ before blowing the TV away.”

One can only wonder if Annette will ever get over it. “Million Dollar Baby” director told Fake Gossip News, “If I would have known Hillary winning another Oscar would lead to Annette’s madness I would have released ‘Million Dollar Baby’ in 2005 instead of 2004 so Annette could have won for ‘Being Julia’.”

Hopefully Annette can get the help she needs because she has become one big hot mess!

Paris Hilton having an affair with…THE EASTER BUNNY!

Posted in gossip with tags , , , , , on March 23, 2008 by fakegossip

Fake Gossip News has learned that skank of the year Paris Hilton has a new lover.

Just in time for Easter she started hooking up with the Easter Bunny. The two of them were spotted leaving Hyde late Friday night.

Sources have told Fake Gossip News that Paris even helped the Easter Bunny do his rounds over night.

Paris told Fake Gossip News, “It’s true. I’m banging the Easter Bunny. Hell if Sharon Stone can have a long term relationship with a Kimodo Dragon, Angelina Jolie can have a baby with a Dragon and Jennifer Aniston can date a Leprechaun why can’t I bang a Bunny.”

True. However, all of us here at Fake Gossip News think this “relationship” will last about as long as Paris’ days atop the music charts.

Jennifer Aniston finds love at last!!!

Posted in gossip, Movies with tags , , , , , , , , on March 17, 2008 by fakegossip

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody!!!

Fake Gossip News is pleased to report that Emmy Award Winner Jennifer Aniston has finally found her true love. Forget Tate Donovan, Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn. The “man” Ms. Aniston will spend the rest of her life with his…Leprechaun!

Jennifer and Leprechaun met on the set of the 1993 cult film “Leprechaun”. They have been friends for the last fifteen years. Indeed, Leprechaun was Jen’s shoulder to cry on when Lisa Kudrow became the first Friend to win an Emmy and of course when Ms. Fish Lips Angelina Jolie stole her husband, Brad Pitt, away from her.

But their relationship moved to a new level just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. Leprechaun visited the set of “Marley & Me”, co-staring Owen Wilson, this last week. Over the weekend Jen and the Leprechaun headed down to Key West. That’s when Jen finally told Leprechaun that she’s in love with him.janiston.jpg

The couple couldn’t be happier. Aniston told Fake Gossip News…”Yes, I’m in love with Leprechaun. If that big lipped whore can have a baby with a Dragon I have be in love with a Leprechaun. I’m so happy. You just may need to pinch me”. Jen then winked at our reporter.

All of us here at Fake Gossip New wish Jennifer Aniston the best. We hope she has at long last found happiness.

Knots Landing-Election 2008!

Posted in gossip, politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2008 by fakegossip

“Knots Landing” creators David Jacobs and Michael Filerman have been looking for a new project for years. They wanted to bring the 1980’s drama of “Knots Landing” into the 21st century. They spent many fruitless months trying to come up with a new idea for a pilot.

Then one day David was watching the South Carolina democratic presidential debate. He saw the sparks fly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. It occurred to him that the best drama comes from real life. Jacobs told Fake Gossip News, “As I watched the two of them tear each other apart I thought ‘you can’t make this shit up!’ It was at that point I got together with Michael and we decided to make a documentary about this years presidential election.”

But this will be no ordinary documentary it will be ended in such away that the story is told like a soap opera. And in an extra special bonus the documentary will be narrated by none other than “Knots Landing’ alumni Joan Van Ark.

The film is in full production now. Look for it to hit theatres next January on Inauguration day for President Clinton/McCain/Obama.

Here are the opening credits for “Knots Landing-Election 2008”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suYPuC76UkE